Who needs Father Christmas when we have Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak?
The
world has Father Christmas. In western folklore, he is the legendary
figure who brings presents to the homes of good children on the night of
Christmas eve. He is usually portrayed as a chubby, joyful,
white-bearded man who wears black boots and a red suit trimmed with
white fur. Santa lives in the North Pole with Mama Claus, and is
assisted by his magical elves and flying reindeer.
In Malaysia,
Najib has assumed the role of Santa, with his various handouts. Najib
does not have Santa’s long white beard nor rosy cheeks, but many women
claim to be envious of his luscious red lips.
Both
the Malaysian Santa and his Mama Claus live in a sprawling mansion
called Seri Perdana, with an air-conditioning system which would make
Santa jealous. To put things into perspective, the official residence of
the British PM, No 10 Downing Street, is a garden shed in comparison.
Seri
Perdana has deep pile carpets, kitsch Louis Farouk gilded antique
reproduction furniture and the walls are adorned with several life-size
portraits of both Santa Najib and the Malaysian Mama Claus. A
psychiatrist would find these portraits interesting material for a
thesis on narcissism.
Santa Najib has his own elves; they are
small in stature and small-minded, so that many people have dubbed them,
‘Little Napoleons’.
Instead
of eight flying reindeer, Santa Najib flits around the world in
government jets and high powered cars. When on Malaysian soil, other
motorists are forced off the roads by outriders.
Britain’s
monarch travels around in an English car, with one outrider. Sometimes,
her consort, Prince Philip drives around in his own black London cab.
One would have thought that Santa Najib would be proud to be driven in a
Proton, the national car of Malaysia. Why does he use an imported car?
Santa
delivers toys and sweets to the well-behaved children of the world,
whilst naughty ones receive coal. English children leave mince pies for
Santa. In Malaysia, things are different; whole families have to leave
their souls for Santa Najib. He also delivers money and contracts to his
cronies.
Instead of distributing presents from a big bag on Santa Najib’s sleigh, Mama Claus buys bags and rings.
As
it is an election year, Santa Najib cannot be too picky. He cannot
pretend to help only the Muslims. He must pretend to help everyone.
Santa Najib cries “Ho, Ho, Ho... You help me, I help you.”
In
days of old, the people who gave Malaysian leaders the most headaches
would simply disappear and be swallowed up by the Internal Security Act
(ISA); but in these days of activism and political awareness, Santa
Najib has to be careful. His major headache is the Malays. They must be
persuaded to vote Umno, to maintain his party’s strangle-hold on power.
Have the ultra-conservatives been gagged?Surprisingly,
in the run-up to Christmas this year, we have not heard of complaints
about carols being banned from shopping malls, carolling being forbidden
outside homes or of crucifixes being torn off walls in preparation for a
visit by a senior Umno politician. Have the ultra-conservative Muslims
and Malays been gagged?
The
run-up to most festivals is stressful. Housewives suffer from the
normal stresses of buying food and worry if there will be sufficient
stocks. They are aware that some unscrupulous retailers will hoard food
items to cause panic buying, so they can sell at a premium.
Fortunately,
none of the usual Christmas foods have been banned. Do bans affect only
Muslim festivals? You may remember that the Department of Islamic
Development Malaysia (Jakim) took Golden Churn butter off the shelves
because they were deemed haram. There were allegations of pig DNA being
found in the popular brand of butter, used by many Malays and cakeshops
to make kek lapis for Hari Raya.
Most people said that they had
never heard of pigs being milked for butter. The cynics said that the
herds of genetically modified dairy pigs must be top secret; no films of
these herds have ever been released.
The most important
celebration in the Christian calendar is Easter. If GE13 is held before
Easter and Santa Najib wins, he will probably ban hot cross buns, to
appease the ultra-conservative Muslims.
Last week, Santa Najib
played to the Indian community by saying that Indian teachers would be
allowed into Malaysia to teach English. Few have fallen for this
election gimmick.
Surely, the most cynical ploy by Santa Najib is the lifting of travel restrictions on travel to Israel for Christians.
The oft-asked question is why now? Why do it with GE13 approaching?
Jerusalem is a holy city for Christians, Jews and Muslims. Are Malaysian Muslims still banned from travel to Israel?
If
Santa Najib was sincere, he could lift the ban on the use of the word
Allah by Malaysian Christians. He could also lift the ban on Malay
Bibles. What about censuring extremist Muslim and Malay groups and
individuals, for their fiery propaganda against Christians?
Many
people, including Muslims, go abroad to admire the fine architecture of
churches and abbeys, or wonder at the simplicity of old chapels. Why do
modern Malaysian churches have to look like a shoplot or a factory
unit? How about lifting the restrictions on the building of churches in
Malaysia?
The only good thing about Santa Najib’s Christmas
cheer is that the Malaysians who make their way to Jerusalem would at
least feel at home with the ‘1Israel’ slogan.
‘1Israel’ is so similar to Santa Najib’s ‘1Malaysia’, you’d think the Israelis and Najib were in league.
Happy Christmas to Everyone!
MARIAM
MOKHTAR is a non-conformist traditionalist from Perak, a bucket chemist
and an armchair eco-warrior. In ‘real-speak', this translates into that
she comes from Ipoh, values change but respects culture, is a petroleum
chemist and also an environmental pollution-control scientist.