Today, I thought I might as well jump onto the bandwagon and also talk about arseholes. After all, I don’t want anyone to allege that Malaysia Today is not keeping up with the latest issue.
NO HOLDS BARRED
Raja Petra Kamarudin
One day, all the different parts of the body had a meeting to discuss who should be the boss.
The brain said it should be the boss because it did all the thinking.
The eyes said it should be the boss because it did all the seeing.
The ears said it should be the boss because it did all the hearing.
The mouth said it should be the boss because it allowed the body to eat.
The tongue said it should be the boss because without it the body would not be able to talk or taste any of the food that it ate.
And so the debate continued with the hands, feet, fingers, toes, neck and all the other parts of the body arguing their case as to why they should be the boss. And the debate went on without any consensus until the arsehole butted in (pun intended) and argued that it should be the boss.
There was a moment of total silence before all the parts of the body rolled on the ground laughing uncontrollably. “You can’t be the boss,” they replied. “You are just an arsehole.”
This made the arsehole very angry and it clammed up and refused to open. Nothing could enter the body through the arsehole, not even a plastic device. More importantly, nothing could leave the body and after a week or so the brain became mushy and could no longer think. The eyes became watery and could no longer see. The ears became zingy and could no longer hear. The mouth, tongue, hands, feet, fingers, toes and whatnot all became weak and could no longer function properly.
By the tenth day the body was at the point of death and all the parts of the body relented and agreed that the arsehole should be the boss. The arsehole had clearly proven that it was the most superior part of the body.
From that day on the arsehole became the boss and ruled over the entire body. And this proves you do not have to be smart to become the boss. You just need to be an arsehole. And Malaysia is living testimony to this doctrine that only arseholes can become the boss.
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One day, a woman went to her doctor to discuss a ‘problem’ she was facing.
“My husband loves anal sex,” she told the doctor.
“So?” the doctor asked.
“Well, is it safe?” asked the woman.
“Do you enjoy it?” asked the doctor.
With a blush on her face and not daring to look the doctor in the eye, she admitted that she does.
“Well, carry on then,” the doctor replied, “as long as you also enjoy it.”
“But can I become pregnant through anal sex?” asked the woman.
“Of course you can,” the doctor replied. “Where do you think politicians come from?”
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“And what is the purpose of the two stories above?” you might ask.
Well, considering that the world is crumbling around us -- the Middle East is bringing the world to the brink of a Third World War with Israel’s attack on the Peace Flotilla, three Israeli submarines are now in the Persian Gulf and are aiming its nuclear missiles on Iran, the three PIGs (Portugal, Italy and Greece) are going bankrupt and may drag the entire world including Malaysia down with it, and much, much more -- yet the entire country is focused on just one issue, Saiful’s arsehole. So, today, I thought I might as well jump onto the bandwagon and also talk about arseholes. After all, I don’t want anyone to allege that Malaysia Today is not keeping up with the latest issue.
And below is a graphical presentation of what is the number one issue for Malaysia and which will decide the future of this country -- whether Anwar had or had not penetrated Saiful’s arsehole with his pecker.
Sad, very sad, when one arsehole decides the future of a country of 27 million people. I wonder, 100 years from now, when Malaysians look back on 2010, what the historians would be saying about this period of Malaysian history. India had its ‘Black Hole of Calcutta’ in June 1756 that changed the history of the Indian continent and planted the seed of the Indian nationalist movement. Are we going to see the ‘Black Hole of Saiful’ in June 2010 also change the course of Malaysian history?
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