Malaysians are Stupid

By John Doe

For 53 solid years, we have successfully managed to septumize the races. Fo 53 good years, we changed-our-mode enough times, so that the rakyat stayed confused and dumb enough NOT to challenge us. We have ensured that the peasants stayed poor and stupid enough so that they did not know of any alternatives, and were fighting hard just to feed themselves just to survive. The “clang” of your mental Ball-and-Chains delight us with orgasmic thrill.

We habitually showcase over TV all the poor Orang Aslis to reassert that “malays” are poor, even though they are NOT “malay”. Then we dump them back into deep Jungle and tell them to wait “Insyallah” for another 53 years maybe for us to provide them with electricity. They believe us. We also made it illegal for anyone to talk to them, to guarantee that they remain that way; so that we can showcase them on TV again, the next time we need to show poor people.

We successfully told the rakyat that PAS is an Extremist Party. And you silly serfs believed us. You are so dumb. You are also dumb enough to believe that your “gods” are powerful enough to defeat us. Trust me. Your “gods” are useless. They are useless against our Ketuanan. You can scream. You can shout. You can even Parade the streets. Yet, Ketuanan UMNO wins everytime. Why? Because you wont lift a finger against us. You peasants sit in trembling operculum instead, dribbling in your pitiful dank rickety cribs, while we, the Ketuanans, live in oppuletic, opportunistic grandeur. Fed by your tax dollars and your Oil Money. Terima Kaseh.

We have ensured that we have enough “ball-lickers” amongst you. Your exigency at this juncture has left you bemused. A mere trinket of unequivocal enthuse for the opulent “us”. We defile your adytum, demolish them with fire and brimstone. Yet, you delusional mongrels call it “Fate and Destiny”. How wonderful. “Sit, beg, paw and roll-over...” is all you know to do. And you do it well. Here, have a biscuit. We have ensured that we remain “The Hand that Feeds”. Do you dare bite us?

“Give to Caesar...”, your good books tell you. We have read them well. We know how to manupilate your simple minds. Hence, you readily bequeath your gold, silver and your young nubile virgin daughters to our eminent entablatures. We are at liberty to rape, plunder, sodomize and C4 anyone, at will. Yet, you roll out the Red Carpets for us each and every time.

We burn a few more churches; toss a few more boar-heads, and you scamper away, like frightened cockroaches. Your spirits have been quashed. You are domiciled. We have proudly toilet-trained you. We indiscriminately defecate on you; yet, you vehemently thank us. You have become the perfect slaves. A gabion herd of unquestioning imbeciles. Those disenchanted saurians, have either been circumscribed, while other sagacious savages have embarked their magniloquent exodus.

The only thorn in our side is the deviant RPK. We loathe him! He has balls of steel. He takes not our money. He dares to expose truth! He dares to expose our diabolical misdeeds! He is a traitor! And now we cannot find him, despite our best efforts. People acknowledge him to be the Deus-ex-Machina. We tremble at his popularity. He will be our undoing. That simply cannot happen.

The rakyat cannot be educated at all costs! Despite already laying out the Fibre optic cables for 4Mbps. We are stalling! Our Ketuanan Multimedia-Snail-Corridor is only 2Mbps. It is humiliating that Singapore already has 500Mbps. Even their handphones are capable of 100Mbps!!!

The less “smart” the peasants are, the better. Best of all, you don't even know that you are deteriorated squabs. The less you know, the better. We have crippled your ability to speak to foreigners. We happily built vernacular schools specifically for that purpose. We simply cannot lord over those with brains.

And don't you dare tell anyone about this...... Our Ketuanan depends on Stupid Malaysians.