In 2006, Datuk Seri Mohd Effendi Norwawi said Disneyland was coming to Malaysia and that the government would be spending RM2 billion on the project. The Prime Minister confirmed that he too had discussed the matter although he could not remember with whom he had discussed it. In 2007, the Barisan National-led Selangor State Government made a "technical visit" to Tokyo Disneyland at a cost of RM1.2 million. Let us imagine how Disneyland would have discussed the Malaysian proposal -- that is if they have done so, because, actually, they did not.
NO HOLDS BARRED
Raja Petra Kamarudin
Disneyland Marketing Director (MD): Boss, we have a proposal from Malaysia. They want to set up the Malaysian Disneyland there.
Disneyland President (P): Malaysia? Where’s that?
MD: It’s a small, unimportant country sandwiched between Thailand and Singapore.
P: Okay, what is it famous for?
MD: It became famous in 1998 when its Prime Minister jailed his Deputy on charges of sodomy.
P: Wasn’t that what Hitler did to his Deputy as well?
MD: Well, yes, and Malaysia has a lot of other similarities with Nazi Germany as well.
P: Oh? That’s interesting. Like what?
MD: They also have the ‘people’s car’.
P: You mean they build the Volkswagen in that country as well?
MD: Sort of, except it’s not called the Volkswagen. They call it the Proton.
P: What’s a Proton?
MD: Protons are spin-1/2 fermions and are composed of three quarks, making them baryons. The two up quarks and one down quark of the proton are held together by the strong force, mediated by gluons. Protons and neutrons are both nucleons, which may be bound by the nuclear force into atomic nuclei. The nucleus of the most common isotope of the hydrogen atom is a single proton……..
P: Hey, will you stop! I don’t want a lecture in physics. Why is the car called the Proton?
MD: Not sure, but it’s actually a Mitsubishi…..a very old and obsolete model that the Japanese sold to Malaysia for a lot of money. The Japanese actually ripped them off…..sort of like how we ripped the Japanese off by selling them all our old Mickey Mouses that we didn’t want anymore.
P: I see. So the Proton is actually a Mickey Mouse car then.
MD: I suppose you could put it that way. Malaysia also has the tallest building in the world.
P: I thought China has the tallest building in the world.
MD: Well, yeah, but Malaysia cheated.
P: How can you cheat? Either your building is the tallest in the world or it is not.
MD: Malaysia added a tall poll or antennae or something like that above the building and included that as part of the building when they measured it.
P: Devious people these Malaysians. We gotta watch them closely. They sound very slimy. Do you think Disneyland will be popular in Malaysia?
MD: I don’t see why not. Malaysians are already living in a fantasy world, so Disneyland should go down well with Malaysians.
P: You mean they have other theme parks there?
MD: No. Not that. It’s like this. Malaysians do not live in the real world. They live in a make-belief world. So I feel they would love Disneyland.
P: I don’t get you.
MD: Okay. Let me try to explain. Malaysia has this thing they call the New Economic Policy that allows about 1,000 Malays to become super-rich. Then they calculate the combined wealth of these 1,000 Malays and add it to whatever the rest of the 16 million Malays own, which is almost nothing, and announce that the 16 million Malays own 30% of the wealth of the nation.
P: God! They actually do that? How can they get away with something like that?
MD: Not sure, but it’s certainly very interesting. Do you know that the 16 million Malays actually riot on the streets, brandishing little curved knives shorter than our dicks, and threaten to slaughter the Chinese just to protect the wealth of the 1,000 super-rich Malays?
P: You can’t be serious! And what do the Chinese do? Do they take out their even longer Kungfu swords and fight back? Sounds like a Beirut down there.
MD: No. Actually it’s very peaceful in Malaysia. The Chinese just keep voting for a Malay government just so that these Malays keep their little curved knives in their pants.
P: You mean their dicks?
MD: No, their little curved knives. That’s where they keep them, in their pants.
P: Shit. These people sound more like Mickey Mouse than even Mickey Mouse himself.
MD: But there would be one problem though. Malaysia is a strict Muslim country and they arrest men and women who are not married who hold hands.
P: What’s that got to do with us?
MD: Well, we would have to make sure Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse do not walk around holding hands like they usually do. The government would arrest them and throw them in jail.
P: That’s it. I don’t think we should go to Malaysia. We have enough sex scandals in Disneyland Hong Kong as it is. Sheesh! What next? Superman has to wear his underwear on the inside and no longer on the outside? What a crap country. They make Disneyland look real compared to Malaysia.
Malaysia wants Mickey Mouse
Breaking news, 31 May 2006
Corinne Wan
After speculation that Johor may be the site of Malaysia’s Disneyland, a government minister has confirmed that talks are ongoing to bring the theme park to Malaysia.
According to the Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department, Datuk Seri Mohd Effendi Norwawi, talks are being held with Disneyland officials based in the US and Japan.
The plan is to bring Mickey Mouse and Disneyland mates to the Nusajaya, a massive new township in the southern Johor corridor.
The Johor state government is believed to have allocated investments worth RM2 billion to develop the area.
Disneyland will coincide with the government’s plan to ensure the southern Johor corridor is a venue for theme parks and hotels.
In the meantime, Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi said a group interested in setting up a Disneyland theme park in southern Johor had met with him, although he did not speak to any Disney people.
Disneyland not always good clean fun
Long gone are the days when kids around the world dreamed of flying to America to visit Disneyland. With Disney parks now in Paris, Tokyo and China, you never really know where Main Street USA will turn up next. It's not all plain sailing though, as we reported last year with Chinese complaints about the new Hong Kong attraction.
Today, Hong Kong's Disneyland turns one year old, but it's not all smiling Mickey Mouses over there. Problem one: long-standing local attraction Ocean Park is packing in more visitors. It's cheaper, better located and not enough Chinese care about Mickey, anyway. Second hiccup is a recent bit of bad publicity. It seems that four employees at Hong Kong Disneyland were fired after the management caught them on video, frolicking around in the changing rooms naked. And that's not what we want to imagine Mickey Mouse doing after hours, is it?
12 September 2006
By Asrul Hadi Abdullah Sani, The Malaysian Insider
Bukit Antarabangsa state assemblyman Azmin Ali today accused the wife of former mentri besar Datuk Seri Khir Toyo of misusing state funds for overseas holidays, including a 2007 trip to Tokyo Disneyland.
He told the Selangor state assembly today that government records showed that the Wives of Selangor Assemblymen and MPs Welfare and Charity Organisation (Balkis) headed by Datin Seri Zahrah Kechik also misused "welfare allocations" to buy clothing and accesories.
Balkis was dissolved on March 11 before Tan Sri Abdul Khalid Ibrahim was sworn-in as Selangor Menteri Besar on March 13, 2008.
In 2007, state investment arm Permodalan Negeri Selangor Berhad (PNSB) recorded RM1.2 million Ringgit in travelling costs which also included Balkis' technical visits, said Azmin.
He told the assembly that he has records to show Balkis made a "technical visit" to Tokyo Disneyland.
"Technical visit for what to Disneyland? Do they want to visit Mickey Mouse? If they visited industries in Tokyo and Europe, I would have still accepted it. Even if they have visited the industries in Mongolia, I would still have considered it," he argued.
The records also showed that Balkis also made "technical visits" to Korea and Hong Kong after Tokyo.
Balkis had also received a huge allocation from PNSB for welfare purposes but initial reports received by Azmin Ali showed the funds were used for the members' attires and accessories.
"What is this? If what I said are false accusations, I am willing to be brought to court," he said.
Azmin asked that a report be presented in the State Assembly on the results from the technical visits especially to Tokyo Disneyland.
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