The Malaysiakini June 4 article 'Club to coach wives to be 'whores in bed'' that has drawn a lot of controversy. Thankfully, many women have voiced strong disagreement with the club.
Even the Syarie Lawyers Association (PGSM) deputy president Musa Awang in another Malaysiakini article dated June 8 titled 'Syarie lawyers: Wives are not mere sex objects' expressed outrage at such a move.
To me, such a club reflects a negative view - that Muslim wives have on the whole not been obedient.
I can only guess at the deep hurt felt by these wives because of the harsh criticisms and I feel for them. Little do men realise that every wife yearns for her husband's nurturing, permanent affection and respect.
Her wish is that he would love and cherish her, respect and value her and truly see her for who she really is. She is not a sex object to be used. She is a human being, created by God to partner man. She is different from man but his equal.
As a Christian wife, I hold very dear the truth that I am created by my maker and He has given me the creative potential to live out my life as a woman with dignity and honour.
My faith commands me to submit to my husband as the head of our home. I am to love, honour, respect and please him, and be his helpmate and companion.
My faith also commands my husband as the head of the home to love, respect, honour and protect me. He knows the success of our marriage relationship rests just as much upon his shoulders as on mine.
As his wife, I seek to submit to him because I love him and to honour God's command, not because I need to keep my husband by my side and stop him from straying. Do I consistently fulfill the requirements of my wifely role? No, I am painfully aware that I do not, but I am still learning...really!
Is my husband always totally pleased with me? I dare not make such a claim, but I do know he is also learning to understand my struggles and help me.
Is my husband always a good example of a leader of the home as required by our faith? Not always, but he is getting better at it every day and I love him all the more as I see him do his part and I see his progress.
The beautiful thing is that I am assured of my own value and worth. I know they are not pegged to my performance in the bedroom or elsewhere but come from my understanding of how I have been given life by God, my certainty of my identity. I also know I am most valuable to God.
Yes, I know I don't quite 'make the mark' at times. I am often not at my best and I am pretty sure I do disappoint my husband at one time or another. While he may express his displeasure with me, I am still assured that my husband will not evaluate or rate me as a woman or wife accordingly.
We both know it is never our performance that keeps us in each other's hearts. We know that we will not be diminished in each other's eyes nor have any less of each other's affection when either of us fail at a task, for that does not make us failures – that is merely an event in our lives, from which we can learn together to become better.
Do we have disagreements? Of course! But when we took our marriage vows before God, we knew it meant a lifelong commitment to one another, forsaking all others. It meant serving each other, nurturing and encouraging each other to strive to be the best God created us to be. It meant there must be an abiding love for one another…a love unconditional.
It means seeking God for wisdom and strength to build our marriage upon love and respect for each other and having an open and healthy communication at all times.
God's command that a man should give himself to only one wife is really for our own protection and well-being. What could be more rested and fulfilling than to know we are safe and accepted and can give of ourselves fully to one another in such intimacy of heart, mind and body and that any betrayal of that trust cannot happen, if the marriage is rooted in love and respect for each other and true reverence for God?
My heart goes out to those who feel they need to be members of an Obedient Wives' Club. I wonder how they are coping with the humiliation and criticisms and I hope they have the strength and wisdom to see themselves as valuable human beings. And I do hope their husbands recognise their worth.
Surely love and respect for one another in a marriage must be the foundation for a stable family life and these in turn should form the very basic thread for a healthy and whole community.
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